December 29, 2013
Not too much today. Though there were some issues yesterday I tried to let go of but they have left a sting on my heart.
Yesterday though hubby let me sleep in, he still managed to hurt me, by total accident mind you. He had to go lock up the job site, he tells me this kisses Nani and I then just leaves. Yet I heard his phone going off all morning. He was talking on it quietly when I came out of our room. He told me he'd only be gone an hour. Almost three hours later, he finally comes home.
I'm not saying he is doing anything wrong, but I am saying something's not right. And it irritated me that one I was upset and two that he didn't ask even if I wanted to go. I have my phone turned down on weekends so as not to disturb our family time. For a while now I have felt that there is something more important out there then our family time. And that hurts me, knowing I'm insecure because of past relationships hurt me. I am my own worst enemy.
I have decided it would be best to talk to hubby about this another day. Not that he is inconsiderant of Nani and I, but sometimes I think he forgets I don't get to leave the house often. I don't get much alone time with him. Even if it was only an hour that we'd be out. I'd take that hour with him and cherish it forever. Not that I don't charrish my days with Nani but were talking 23/7/365. I love her to death, I would never want to be without her. But an hour to myself or an hour alone with hubby doesn't seem like I'm asking for to much. I know I'm a mom, I've given up going to the bathroom alone, and long bubble baths, sick days, sleep and even hot meals to myself. But one hour with hubby I didn't think was impossible.
He slept all day right up to our wedding ceremony Saturday. He sleeps when ever he can. I wake up at 4:30 am most mornings with Nani. I stay up late to finish my days work. I cook I clean I do school work and child care. I just wanted one hour.
Was I asking too much?
Then the dear sweet roommate stole money from us, when it was given to him to pay the electric bill. So as the cookies crumble we now are on per paid electric. I myself have come up with $260 this month alone compaired to his $20 to keep our lights on. So today with less than $8 left he wants to do laundry. Let's think about this.... $!%@ NO. Then he wants to bitch about having to wear dirty clothes. B$*@! If you wouldn't of stolen from me we ALL could do laundry and turn on the lights. Go ahead say one more word I dare you. Because once you do you can get out. I might let you take your shit with you.
* SIGH * Its always at the end of the month when people wanna bitch at me because I'm doing everything I can while they do nothing. I'm so sick of it. I spend the most money on this damned house and you can't give me any respect? Who the #@$! do you think you are?!?!
But instead of taking my frustration out on hubby I took it out on roommate. Just as I should. So though my mood may not be changing, at least I can direct my frustration at the proper poor soul whom deserves my attitude. Oh, and just as a note yes I took MY laundry detergent to MY room. I bought it I'll do what I want with it. Not my #$!king problem you don't have any. Either pitch in for a big bottle or get your own.
It is truly amazing how much better I feel after these blog entries. I can vent and at the same time not cause a disruption in my home. And then there are you readers. Again if you have ideas or advice please let me know. I am very open to learning and growing. Just please be respectful with your advice and comments.
Much love,
Leilani A.
Just one Mad House Wife to another the thoughts, problems, struggles and accomplishments and ideas of a real live house wife.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Friday, December 27, 2013
December 27th, 2013
December 27, 2013
What a day it has been. Woke up to no cigarettes...
But that situation was resolved after some thinking. While I was out getting them I ran into a little boy who has been my brother for Nine years. Joey is my best friend Lisa's little boy. Joey hasn't had an easy life. A few years back there was somethings happened to him that no one let alone a little by should have to go through. Since then he has been through two in patient treatment facilities and one out patient facility. He has not been to a regular school since kindergarten, he doesn't have any friend except his other sister, and she is very cruel to him. She too has had some issues, and just recently has returned home from a girls in patient treatment facility. She makes me so angry. She thinks that because her little brother has been gone for almost three years that she has the right to whine when he gets attention. He came home and as most families would, we tried to make up lost time with him. Take him to the park, let him stay awake later at night with us, and yet at the same time try to keep interacting as a family that has been together all along. So his sister Keighley decides its OK to start treating him horribly, simply because mom and I have to share our attention with him, and not just her. And by horribly I mean like trash, scum of the earth, he did nothing to deserve her hatred for him, yet he gets it. I don't have much room to talk as when I lived at home with my family I treated my little brother the same way. My parents told me I was creating a monster, and that I was pushing him away. At the time I didn't care, but it was true. My little brother had not spoken to me for 8 years, and even now its barely a full conversation. But at least we are talking again. I just wish much like my parents did, that Keighley would listen to the words I am saying. Not the lectures she is getting, but the words. I know if I had heard what my parents were truly saying, I wouldn't of been so mean.
So anyways, I saw my JuJu Bug today and found out that until things get settled with the kids and where they are going he is staying in a group home here in town. But his counselor was with him and he told her I am his sister, so she made sure I got added to his contact list. So tonight he called me, and we got to talk for a little while. I told him about marrying Devon, and just let him know I would always be here for him and his sister. They are my family, family never leaves anyone behind. Right? So with that being said, Devon and I have discussed it and if the Fates allow us, we would do our best to raise Keighley and Joey to the best of our abilities. Devon has always wanted a son, and maybe with closer guidance Keighley would grow into a loving big sister and a role model for her brother.
But again, I find myself reflecting on my day; and realizing that the more I write these blogs, these thoughts that run through my head quite down and I can sleep better. I am not as angry as I have been, and I feel calmer too. So I just wanted to thank which ever deity gave me the idea to start writing a journal. It doesn't have to be an every day thing, but just when I feel I need to let some thoughts out of my head before I lay it down to go to sleep.
And to those of you whom read these, please; leave a comment or your own thoughts. Help me grow and learn and see things in a different light.
Love, peace and joy to you all.
Leilani A.
What a day it has been. Woke up to no cigarettes...
But that situation was resolved after some thinking. While I was out getting them I ran into a little boy who has been my brother for Nine years. Joey is my best friend Lisa's little boy. Joey hasn't had an easy life. A few years back there was somethings happened to him that no one let alone a little by should have to go through. Since then he has been through two in patient treatment facilities and one out patient facility. He has not been to a regular school since kindergarten, he doesn't have any friend except his other sister, and she is very cruel to him. She too has had some issues, and just recently has returned home from a girls in patient treatment facility. She makes me so angry. She thinks that because her little brother has been gone for almost three years that she has the right to whine when he gets attention. He came home and as most families would, we tried to make up lost time with him. Take him to the park, let him stay awake later at night with us, and yet at the same time try to keep interacting as a family that has been together all along. So his sister Keighley decides its OK to start treating him horribly, simply because mom and I have to share our attention with him, and not just her. And by horribly I mean like trash, scum of the earth, he did nothing to deserve her hatred for him, yet he gets it. I don't have much room to talk as when I lived at home with my family I treated my little brother the same way. My parents told me I was creating a monster, and that I was pushing him away. At the time I didn't care, but it was true. My little brother had not spoken to me for 8 years, and even now its barely a full conversation. But at least we are talking again. I just wish much like my parents did, that Keighley would listen to the words I am saying. Not the lectures she is getting, but the words. I know if I had heard what my parents were truly saying, I wouldn't of been so mean.
So anyways, I saw my JuJu Bug today and found out that until things get settled with the kids and where they are going he is staying in a group home here in town. But his counselor was with him and he told her I am his sister, so she made sure I got added to his contact list. So tonight he called me, and we got to talk for a little while. I told him about marrying Devon, and just let him know I would always be here for him and his sister. They are my family, family never leaves anyone behind. Right? So with that being said, Devon and I have discussed it and if the Fates allow us, we would do our best to raise Keighley and Joey to the best of our abilities. Devon has always wanted a son, and maybe with closer guidance Keighley would grow into a loving big sister and a role model for her brother.
But again, I find myself reflecting on my day; and realizing that the more I write these blogs, these thoughts that run through my head quite down and I can sleep better. I am not as angry as I have been, and I feel calmer too. So I just wanted to thank which ever deity gave me the idea to start writing a journal. It doesn't have to be an every day thing, but just when I feel I need to let some thoughts out of my head before I lay it down to go to sleep.
And to those of you whom read these, please; leave a comment or your own thoughts. Help me grow and learn and see things in a different light.
Love, peace and joy to you all.
Leilani A.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
December 25, 2013
Today was a good day all in all. Woke up to the laughter of our daughter and hubby made coffee. We watched Alohinani (our daughter) open her gifts. She got books and a baby doll, a teddy bear and a xylophone. Devon (hubby) got a fuzzy white hoddie that has black wings on it. Me, well me I got a day with my family. I'm not big on receiving gifts. Hubby is ups at because we didn't have the money or him to buy m a gift. But to m Christmas , Yule, whatever you wanna call it is not about what you get, its about enjoying what you have.
I have a proud moment though I'd like to share. I have a few family members as well as good friends who struggle with drugs and alcohol. I myself know I struggle with alcohol and am in school to receive my bachelor's degree in psychology for addictions counseling. Well I have a friend going whom is going to start the process of a divorce. She decided to do this on the day I got married. She ha struggled with drugs and alcohol since I have known her. But tonight she called me just yo talk. To give he a reason not to stick that needle in her arm and drink her self to oblivion. I am very proud of her right now. I know its no easy seperatin from someone you love. It took me three years to leave an ex of mine even after knowing he was unfaithful. It still strings, mostly because of the lost time I spent with the wrong one and not waiting for the right on. But I also know without those three years I wouldn't be as strong as I am today, nor would I have the beliefs that I do have. So i just wanted to say to her I am proud of you. It won't be easy, but as all of you should know I am never any further than your phone is. I love each and everyone of you and I am here should you ever need me.
I have a proud moment though I'd like to share. I have a few family members as well as good friends who struggle with drugs and alcohol. I myself know I struggle with alcohol and am in school to receive my bachelor's degree in psychology for addictions counseling. Well I have a friend going whom is going to start the process of a divorce. She decided to do this on the day I got married. She ha struggled with drugs and alcohol since I have known her. But tonight she called me just yo talk. To give he a reason not to stick that needle in her arm and drink her self to oblivion. I am very proud of her right now. I know its no easy seperatin from someone you love. It took me three years to leave an ex of mine even after knowing he was unfaithful. It still strings, mostly because of the lost time I spent with the wrong one and not waiting for the right on. But I also know without those three years I wouldn't be as strong as I am today, nor would I have the beliefs that I do have. So i just wanted to say to her I am proud of you. It won't be easy, but as all of you should know I am never any further than your phone is. I love each and everyone of you and I am here should you ever need me.
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
December 24, 2013
Christmas Eve.
So it is the afternoon of Christmas Eve, and though I have never been bothered by missing Christmas activities. Yet now that I am a wife and a mother I feel almost ashamed to admit our house is not having a Christmas this year. I haven't been bothered by it before as being a witch I haven't celebrated it since the days of being a child in my parents home. I have celebrated Yule instead now for the last 12 years. But even this year because of financial stresses I couldn't do a Yule celebration either. I am sad in my heart and my soul. Even though I was just hand-fasted to my soul mate, and married to the love of my life, I am sad inside. It doesn't make any since to me. I know I have shut off many of my emotions over the years so I would be less vulnerable to emotional pain. But now that I have opened my heart again to love and joy and happiness I also have the side effects of the loss of those emotions. Hate, sadness, and depression and all the negative emotions that come with opening your self to emotions in general. This not only confuses me, but angers me. Why should I be upset that I cannot celebrate a Holiday that I don't like? What just because I have a daughter and a husband that gives my heart the right to make me feel bad??? Ummm NO i'm not ok with this. This is ridiculous. I don't like it and even worse I don't know what to do about it. I was able to purchase both my husband and my daughter each a present, but I couldn't buy wrapping paper or bows. Which makes me wanna cry even more... Why is it that the society we live in, puts so much pressure on us that we cry when we do not meet the "Standards" that have been set for us? Who set these standards and how do you get past them? Why is this year so different from last year? Last year we had a Christmas Tree, but its not about a tree. It is about sharing and loving with your family. And maybe that its what it is that is bothering me? Last year the three of us were invited to his family's home for dinner and gifts. Of course last year we were also invited to Thanksgiving, and Christmas, along with random dinner dates and this year we have only been invited to a wedding shower and a fourth of July BBQ. No thanksgiving, no Christmas, no random dinner dates. Is it something I did, or said? Or is it because of something he did or said? Either way I'm not sure what happened that could cause family to leave one member by the way side, even after having the same thing happen to me. My family left me by the way side around 12 years ago to fight and fend for myself. To be homeless and hungry, cold and alone is something no family should ever do to a member of their family, no matter what happened. Family is family, like Lelo and Stitch said, Ohana is family, and family means NO ONE gets left behind, or forgotten. Therefore; it is not OK to not include family in these family holidays. They may be awkward times for whatever reasons, but at least these damned things would be the way that society expects them to be.
Happy, Holly and Jolly and full of DRAMA... whatever...
BAH HUMMBUG!
So it is the afternoon of Christmas Eve, and though I have never been bothered by missing Christmas activities. Yet now that I am a wife and a mother I feel almost ashamed to admit our house is not having a Christmas this year. I haven't been bothered by it before as being a witch I haven't celebrated it since the days of being a child in my parents home. I have celebrated Yule instead now for the last 12 years. But even this year because of financial stresses I couldn't do a Yule celebration either. I am sad in my heart and my soul. Even though I was just hand-fasted to my soul mate, and married to the love of my life, I am sad inside. It doesn't make any since to me. I know I have shut off many of my emotions over the years so I would be less vulnerable to emotional pain. But now that I have opened my heart again to love and joy and happiness I also have the side effects of the loss of those emotions. Hate, sadness, and depression and all the negative emotions that come with opening your self to emotions in general. This not only confuses me, but angers me. Why should I be upset that I cannot celebrate a Holiday that I don't like? What just because I have a daughter and a husband that gives my heart the right to make me feel bad??? Ummm NO i'm not ok with this. This is ridiculous. I don't like it and even worse I don't know what to do about it. I was able to purchase both my husband and my daughter each a present, but I couldn't buy wrapping paper or bows. Which makes me wanna cry even more... Why is it that the society we live in, puts so much pressure on us that we cry when we do not meet the "Standards" that have been set for us? Who set these standards and how do you get past them? Why is this year so different from last year? Last year we had a Christmas Tree, but its not about a tree. It is about sharing and loving with your family. And maybe that its what it is that is bothering me? Last year the three of us were invited to his family's home for dinner and gifts. Of course last year we were also invited to Thanksgiving, and Christmas, along with random dinner dates and this year we have only been invited to a wedding shower and a fourth of July BBQ. No thanksgiving, no Christmas, no random dinner dates. Is it something I did, or said? Or is it because of something he did or said? Either way I'm not sure what happened that could cause family to leave one member by the way side, even after having the same thing happen to me. My family left me by the way side around 12 years ago to fight and fend for myself. To be homeless and hungry, cold and alone is something no family should ever do to a member of their family, no matter what happened. Family is family, like Lelo and Stitch said, Ohana is family, and family means NO ONE gets left behind, or forgotten. Therefore; it is not OK to not include family in these family holidays. They may be awkward times for whatever reasons, but at least these damned things would be the way that society expects them to be.
Happy, Holly and Jolly and full of DRAMA... whatever...
BAH HUMMBUG!
Sunday, December 22, 2013
December 22, 2013
December 22, 2013
So when some one tells you that you are family what does this truly mean?
Does it mean that when you are sad and need a hug they will be there? Or when you blow a tire and have no money to replace it, they buy you the tire and ask for nothing in return? When you become homeless, they tell you to come stay with them until your up on your feet? You have no idea how to raise children, but should something happen you volunteer, selflessly, to raise their children.
Or that when Holidays come around they make sure that you spend it with them and their family? They plan a surprise birthday party for you, they come to the birth of your daughter so you wont be alone, they call you child and you call them mom. It doesn't matter if your blood or not, family is family. I was taught that by a very wonderful woman, who only through the grape vine I found out was in the hospital in ICU on life support. I am hurt, and I am sad. Even worse, I thought I was family.
I realize over the last year we have grown apart. But that is due to me having a daughter and a boyfriend. I can only divide up my time so well. But when I needed her, she was there. When she needed me, I was there. This last month has been the worst. She became depressed and had pushed most of us away. I knew something was wrong and tried to call and visit with her, but she always had more important things to do. But I always made sure to tell her I loved her, I always made sure to tell her if she needed me I was not further away than her phone. It was her choice to push me away. But it was my choice to try and hold her close.
Now to see her on life support that I know she would not want breaks my heart. She was afraid to be left on life support. She always said if something should happen to just let her go. I told her I could not be greedy any more and ask her to hold on when she was ready to go. I am sad I am loosing a wonderful friend, who has helped me to learn and grow in areas no one ever thought I'd be able to. But I am relieved to know she cannot feel pain any more. I am relieved to know she will be with her father and my dog Candie. But for ever negative thing that happens in this world a positive comes too. So even though I am loosing a friend, I am curious to know what I will be gaining.
To her children she leaves behind, Jasmine I know she loved you. She did not leave you with your grandma and grandpa because she hated you. She did so in order for you to have a better life than what she could provide for you. If sacrificing her happiness in order to insure yours is hate, then every parent who does so is wrong.
Keighley, you are in deed a difficult child. You fight when you should respect and obey, you choose to be mad and angry because its not fair. Well my dear sister let me let you in an a little clue I learned the hard way. Life is not meant to be fair, life is a game and only the strong survive. Stop being so whinny, and throwing pity parties and stand up and be the young lady your mother taught you to be.
Joseph, I know you love you mom with your whole heart. I am sorry for the hand you have been dealt. Its not any hand a little boy should ever be handed. But make it the best you can. Be strong like mom taught you. Be polite and use your words, not your emotions. Control your emotions and find good ways to let them out. You know in your heart what you need to do, just be a big boy and do it.
This will hurt for a long time, possibly for the rest of your lives. But just like mom has told each and ever one of us, we will hear what shes being saying once she is gone. And now we must all stand up, proud and with love and strength she gave us and be the people she taught us to be. She has had a wonderful life, its had its downs and it ups. Remember the good times, the laughter, the smiles, and the hugs and kisses. Remember her for the woman she was, and never forget who she has made us.
So when some one tells you that you are family what does this truly mean?
Does it mean that when you are sad and need a hug they will be there? Or when you blow a tire and have no money to replace it, they buy you the tire and ask for nothing in return? When you become homeless, they tell you to come stay with them until your up on your feet? You have no idea how to raise children, but should something happen you volunteer, selflessly, to raise their children.
Or that when Holidays come around they make sure that you spend it with them and their family? They plan a surprise birthday party for you, they come to the birth of your daughter so you wont be alone, they call you child and you call them mom. It doesn't matter if your blood or not, family is family. I was taught that by a very wonderful woman, who only through the grape vine I found out was in the hospital in ICU on life support. I am hurt, and I am sad. Even worse, I thought I was family.
I realize over the last year we have grown apart. But that is due to me having a daughter and a boyfriend. I can only divide up my time so well. But when I needed her, she was there. When she needed me, I was there. This last month has been the worst. She became depressed and had pushed most of us away. I knew something was wrong and tried to call and visit with her, but she always had more important things to do. But I always made sure to tell her I loved her, I always made sure to tell her if she needed me I was not further away than her phone. It was her choice to push me away. But it was my choice to try and hold her close.
Now to see her on life support that I know she would not want breaks my heart. She was afraid to be left on life support. She always said if something should happen to just let her go. I told her I could not be greedy any more and ask her to hold on when she was ready to go. I am sad I am loosing a wonderful friend, who has helped me to learn and grow in areas no one ever thought I'd be able to. But I am relieved to know she cannot feel pain any more. I am relieved to know she will be with her father and my dog Candie. But for ever negative thing that happens in this world a positive comes too. So even though I am loosing a friend, I am curious to know what I will be gaining.
To her children she leaves behind, Jasmine I know she loved you. She did not leave you with your grandma and grandpa because she hated you. She did so in order for you to have a better life than what she could provide for you. If sacrificing her happiness in order to insure yours is hate, then every parent who does so is wrong.
Keighley, you are in deed a difficult child. You fight when you should respect and obey, you choose to be mad and angry because its not fair. Well my dear sister let me let you in an a little clue I learned the hard way. Life is not meant to be fair, life is a game and only the strong survive. Stop being so whinny, and throwing pity parties and stand up and be the young lady your mother taught you to be.
Joseph, I know you love you mom with your whole heart. I am sorry for the hand you have been dealt. Its not any hand a little boy should ever be handed. But make it the best you can. Be strong like mom taught you. Be polite and use your words, not your emotions. Control your emotions and find good ways to let them out. You know in your heart what you need to do, just be a big boy and do it.
This will hurt for a long time, possibly for the rest of your lives. But just like mom has told each and ever one of us, we will hear what shes being saying once she is gone. And now we must all stand up, proud and with love and strength she gave us and be the people she taught us to be. She has had a wonderful life, its had its downs and it ups. Remember the good times, the laughter, the smiles, and the hugs and kisses. Remember her for the woman she was, and never forget who she has made us.
Saturday, December 21, 2013
December 21, 2013
These are the vows Devon and I said to each other tonight. I cannot express the calmness I now have in my heart. My mind is filled with things to do, change name with social security, drivers license and so forth. Yet, I find myself at an odd calm I have not felt in years. I do not often look towards the future as a side effect of my PTSD, but right now the emotion I feel tells me everything will be OK. After all, if it's not OK, its not the end.
I had just a small amount of company, A Wiccan Priestess, Janeille H, the photographer, Chris Finnan the Best man, and my cousin Koda T as the brides maid. Our daughter Alohinani was also present, she walked mommy down the isle; which was actually up the stairs that we had lite with candles. It was just a small wedding but I will forever hold this day in my heart. And next year when we are at home in Hawaii with my mother and daddy, it will still be very special because then they too will be in attendance. But for now I couldn't ask for any more. I am happy. It sounds weird coming out of my mouth, but at the same time it is soothing. I AM HAPPY.
The finally happy,
Mrs. Leilani L. Albertson
I had just a small amount of company, A Wiccan Priestess, Janeille H, the photographer, Chris Finnan the Best man, and my cousin Koda T as the brides maid. Our daughter Alohinani was also present, she walked mommy down the isle; which was actually up the stairs that we had lite with candles. It was just a small wedding but I will forever hold this day in my heart. And next year when we are at home in Hawaii with my mother and daddy, it will still be very special because then they too will be in attendance. But for now I couldn't ask for any more. I am happy. It sounds weird coming out of my mouth, but at the same time it is soothing. I AM HAPPY.
The finally happy,
Mrs. Leilani L. Albertson
When
you love someone, you do not love them all the time in exactly the
same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even
a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand.
We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love and of
relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in the
terror of the ebb. We are afraid it will never return.
We
insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity, when the only
continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity,
in freedom. The only real security is not in owning or possessing,
not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a
relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia,
not forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living
in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now.
Devon
and Leilani, know now before you go further that since your lives
have crossed in this life, you have formed eternal bonds. As you
seek to enter this state of matrimony you should strive to make real
ideals that give meaning to this ceremony and to the sanctity of
marriage. With full awareness, know that within this circle you are
declaring your intent before your friends and family as witnesses.
The promises made today and the ties that are bound here greatly
strengthen your union and will cross the years and lives of each
soul’s growth.
Devon
and Leilani, will you share in each other’s pain and seek to
alleviate it?
We will
And so the binding is made.
Devon
and Leilani, will you share in each other’s laughter and look for
the brightness and the positive in each other?
We will
And so the binding is made.
Devon
and Leilani, will you share in each other’s burdens so that your
spirits may grow in this union?
We will
And
so the binding is made.
Devon
and Leilani, will you share in each other’s dreams and honor each
other as an equal in this union?
We will.
And
so the binding is made.
Devon
and Leilani, as your hands are bound together now, so your lives and
spirits are joined in a union of love and trust. The bond of
marriage is not formed by these cords, but rather by the vows you
have made. For always you hold in your own hands the fate of this
union. Above you are stars and below you is earth. Like stars your
love should be a constant source of light, and like the earth, a firm
foundation from which to grow.
May
these hands be blessed this day. May they always hold each other.
May they have the strength to hang on during the storms of stress and
the dark of disillusionment. May they remain tender and gentle as
they nurture each other in their wondrous love. May they build a
relationship founded in love, and rich in caring. May these hands be
healer, protector, shelter, and guide for each other.
As
above, so below, mote it be.
I
will now ask you to seal the vows you share with each other by the
giving and receiving of rings. The perfect circle of the ring
symbolizes eternity. The precious metal came from the ground as a
rough ore and was heated and purified, shaped and polished.
Something beautiful was made from raw elements. Love is like that.
It comes from humble beginnings, made by imperfect beings. It is the
process of making something beautiful where there was once nothing at
all.
I,
Devon Albertson, take you Leilani Wilcox, to be my wife, to have and
to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or
for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish as long
as we both shall live.
Leilani,
take this ring as a sign of my commitment and fidelity to you.
I,
Leilani Wilcox, take you Devon Albertson to be my husband, to have
and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for
richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to
cherish as long as we both shall live.
Devon,
take this ring as a sign of my commitment and fidelity to you.
Devon
and Leilani, I would ask that you both remember to treat yourself and
each other with dignity and respect; to remind yourself often of what
brought you together today. Give the highest priority to the
tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your marriage deserves.
When frustration and difficulty assail your marriage focus on what
still seems right between you, not only the part that seems wrong.
This way, when clouds of trouble hide the sun in your lives and you
lose sight of it for a moment, you can remember that the sun is still
there. And if each of you will take responsibility for the quality of
your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight.
With @Montana Aingeal and @Koda Todd
With @Montana Aingeal and @Koda Todd
Friday, December 20, 2013
December 20, 2013
December 20, 2013
So it is my last night of being Ms. Wilcox, for tomorrow is the day I change to Mrs. Albertson,and to be honest I couldn't be more excited. I have loved this man from the day we meet, and he has returned the light to my life that I had lost. Besides my daughter, he has made my life a heaven on earth.
Yes, I realize what the Name of my blog site is, and I made it that way because even though Prince Charming works hard to give our daughter and I a wonderful life, there are out side influences that can set off my short fuse. I suffer from a couple different mental disorders, but it was a thought on night right before I feel asleep since I cannot get to a counselor often enough, that I could use a blog as a way to blow off stem. So that's when I decided to start this blog. Not because my other half treats me wrong, not because I am not his queen; but because outside influences can change my attitude for the worse, and Mr. Albertson does not deserve the fury of my anger.
I want to thank those of you who read this and leave your comments. All I ask is to use tact and respect in your comments. Feel free to ask me why I'm a mad, rambling house wife if my life is so great? Just don't disrespect me. There is one rule I follow to the best of my abilities every day and that is NO HARM. Do what you want as long as no harm is done.
I will be back on Sunday night to tell all ya'll about the wedding and maybe even have some pictures to post.
Blessings and love,
Leilani
So it is my last night of being Ms. Wilcox, for tomorrow is the day I change to Mrs. Albertson,and to be honest I couldn't be more excited. I have loved this man from the day we meet, and he has returned the light to my life that I had lost. Besides my daughter, he has made my life a heaven on earth.
Yes, I realize what the Name of my blog site is, and I made it that way because even though Prince Charming works hard to give our daughter and I a wonderful life, there are out side influences that can set off my short fuse. I suffer from a couple different mental disorders, but it was a thought on night right before I feel asleep since I cannot get to a counselor often enough, that I could use a blog as a way to blow off stem. So that's when I decided to start this blog. Not because my other half treats me wrong, not because I am not his queen; but because outside influences can change my attitude for the worse, and Mr. Albertson does not deserve the fury of my anger.
I want to thank those of you who read this and leave your comments. All I ask is to use tact and respect in your comments. Feel free to ask me why I'm a mad, rambling house wife if my life is so great? Just don't disrespect me. There is one rule I follow to the best of my abilities every day and that is NO HARM. Do what you want as long as no harm is done.
I will be back on Sunday night to tell all ya'll about the wedding and maybe even have some pictures to post.
Blessings and love,
Leilani
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
December 18, 2013
December 18, 2013
So it is only 8:28 AM here at home, and I feel as if my day is already ruined. I won't go into too much detail but there are some legal issues floating around my house. First phone call of the day was to ask me questions about it all. I am already having anxieties about Thursday ( the court date ) I don't think I can handle casually talking about the details. The bills and shut off notices are flowing in, and on top of all of that, due to the Holiday and it's traditions I am financially stressed beyond what I am comfortable with. I am worried about my mother and her health, I am working so hard at being a good mother and wife that the littlest things that don't go as planned have the power lately to completely destroy my days, to the point I just wanna go back to bed and forget this day.
BUT! There is hope!
I am a Pagan and believe in the power of the full moon to recharge, cleanse, and vanish negativity. This evening just so happens to fall on the Cold Full Moon. So indeed a small ritual to release all the negativity gathered from the last lunar month, cleanse my spirit, and recharge myself for the next lunar month to come. No it does not involve slaughter, or dancing naked with the devil, for one I do not believe there is a devil, or a hell.
Its simple really.
To rid one's self from negativity, take a piece of paper, write down all the things you want to let go of, for example; anger, depression, anxiety, hopelessness, financial struggle, and random worries. Then once the full moon is up and the sun is set, go out side and set fire to the piece of paper. Please stay safe and don't start any forest fires, house fires, or burn yourself. This works for anybody. You DO NOT have to be religious, or Pagan to do this. It is all in the belief you show to whomever or whatever you believe in that much like a fire, you have the will with their strength to rid your life from negativity. Seeing the list of negative burn is also some what relaxing to me. I took it from within my heart, and literally destroyed it. Might be a little weird, but I feel better and less burdened after doing this.
For cleansing there are a few different ways you can do it but do whatever feels right to you. Even my religious readers can participate in this. The way I cleans myself is I sit outside under the full moon, or by a big window in which the moonlight shines, and I meditate. I see the moon light shining down on me and much like the out tides of the ocean, she ( yes I believe the moon is a she ) is pulling the negative out of me. I feel the anger and discontentment flow out of my finger tips and toes. Once I feel at peace, I see the moon filling me with positives like love, patience, kindness, trust, hope, joy etc,. Once I fill so full of positive, I look up at the moon and I say a little thank you to her for her help in cleansing me. Now for you religious readers, you DO NOT have to thank the moon. You can thank whom ever you follow and believe in for creating such a wonder. But as I believe you cannot get anything without giving something. So for the moon renewing my positive and taking my negative, a simple thank you and a little respect will go further then not doing anything for the moon, or her creators.
Whether you try this or not it is your choice, just thought I would share a way I have found to help me stay grounded and let go of unnecessary stress.
So it is only 8:28 AM here at home, and I feel as if my day is already ruined. I won't go into too much detail but there are some legal issues floating around my house. First phone call of the day was to ask me questions about it all. I am already having anxieties about Thursday ( the court date ) I don't think I can handle casually talking about the details. The bills and shut off notices are flowing in, and on top of all of that, due to the Holiday and it's traditions I am financially stressed beyond what I am comfortable with. I am worried about my mother and her health, I am working so hard at being a good mother and wife that the littlest things that don't go as planned have the power lately to completely destroy my days, to the point I just wanna go back to bed and forget this day.
BUT! There is hope!
I am a Pagan and believe in the power of the full moon to recharge, cleanse, and vanish negativity. This evening just so happens to fall on the Cold Full Moon. So indeed a small ritual to release all the negativity gathered from the last lunar month, cleanse my spirit, and recharge myself for the next lunar month to come. No it does not involve slaughter, or dancing naked with the devil, for one I do not believe there is a devil, or a hell.
Its simple really.
To rid one's self from negativity, take a piece of paper, write down all the things you want to let go of, for example; anger, depression, anxiety, hopelessness, financial struggle, and random worries. Then once the full moon is up and the sun is set, go out side and set fire to the piece of paper. Please stay safe and don't start any forest fires, house fires, or burn yourself. This works for anybody. You DO NOT have to be religious, or Pagan to do this. It is all in the belief you show to whomever or whatever you believe in that much like a fire, you have the will with their strength to rid your life from negativity. Seeing the list of negative burn is also some what relaxing to me. I took it from within my heart, and literally destroyed it. Might be a little weird, but I feel better and less burdened after doing this.
For cleansing there are a few different ways you can do it but do whatever feels right to you. Even my religious readers can participate in this. The way I cleans myself is I sit outside under the full moon, or by a big window in which the moonlight shines, and I meditate. I see the moon light shining down on me and much like the out tides of the ocean, she ( yes I believe the moon is a she ) is pulling the negative out of me. I feel the anger and discontentment flow out of my finger tips and toes. Once I feel at peace, I see the moon filling me with positives like love, patience, kindness, trust, hope, joy etc,. Once I fill so full of positive, I look up at the moon and I say a little thank you to her for her help in cleansing me. Now for you religious readers, you DO NOT have to thank the moon. You can thank whom ever you follow and believe in for creating such a wonder. But as I believe you cannot get anything without giving something. So for the moon renewing my positive and taking my negative, a simple thank you and a little respect will go further then not doing anything for the moon, or her creators.
Whether you try this or not it is your choice, just thought I would share a way I have found to help me stay grounded and let go of unnecessary stress.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
December 17, 2013
December 17, 2013
I decided today to start a blog for all of us Mad House Wives out there. So Wives and moms join in on the rantings and ravings and let that anger out. I decided to do this after having read an essay by Judy Brady from 1971 titled, "I want a Wife". I have posted it below so that my readers might understand why I started this blog. After reading this essay and experiencing for myself all the duties of a house wife and a mother as well as knowing the emotions I have after a hard days work and no gratitude given. So please Ladies, put your vacuums, diapers and dishes down for a moment read this and let me hear you scream. I won't have a chance to get to know all of you, but please know I do appreciate you and all of your hard work.
Always,
Leilani K.A.
I want a Wife ~ Judy Brady (1971)
I decided today to start a blog for all of us Mad House Wives out there. So Wives and moms join in on the rantings and ravings and let that anger out. I decided to do this after having read an essay by Judy Brady from 1971 titled, "I want a Wife". I have posted it below so that my readers might understand why I started this blog. After reading this essay and experiencing for myself all the duties of a house wife and a mother as well as knowing the emotions I have after a hard days work and no gratitude given. So please Ladies, put your vacuums, diapers and dishes down for a moment read this and let me hear you scream. I won't have a chance to get to know all of you, but please know I do appreciate you and all of your hard work.
Always,
Leilani K.A.
I want a Wife ~ Judy Brady (1971)
1- I belong to that classification of people known as wives. I am A Wife.
And, not altogether incidentally, I am a mother.
2- Not too long ago a male friend of mine appeared on the scene fresh
from a recent divorce. He had one child, who is, of course, with his
ex-wife. He is looking for another wife. As I thought about him while I
was ironing one evening, it suddenly occurred to me that 1, too, would
like to have a wife. Why do I want a wife?
3- I would like to go back to school so that I can become economically
independent, support myself, and, if need be, support those dependent
upon me. I want a wife who will work and send me to school. And while I
am going to school, I want a wife to take care of my children. I want a
wife to keep track of the children's doctor and dentist appointments. And
to keep track of mine, too. I want a wife to make sure my children eat
properly and are kept clean. I want a wife who will wash the children's
clothes and keep them mended. I want a wife who is a good nurturant
attendant to my children, who arranges for their schooling, makes sure
that they have an adequate social life with their peers, takes them to
the park, the zoo, etc. I want a wife who takes care of the children when
they are sick, a wife who arranges to be around when the children need
special care, because, of course, I cannot miss classes at school. My
wife must arrange to lose time at work and not lose the job. It may mean
a small cut in my wife's income from time to time, but I guess I can
tolerate that. Needless to say, my wife will arrange and pay for the care
of the children while my wife is working.
4- I want a wife who will take care of my physical needs. I want a wife
who will keep my house clean. A wife who will pick up after my children,
a wife who will pick up after me. I want a wife who will keep my clothes
clean, ironed, mended, replaced when need be, and who will see to it that
my personal things are kept in their proper place so that I can find what
I need the minute I need it. I want a wife who cooks the meals, a wife
who is a good cook. I want a wife who will plan the menus, do the
necessary grocery shopping, prepare the meals, serve them pleasantly, and
then do the cleaning up while I do my studying. I want a wife who will
care for me when I am sick and sympathize with my pain and loss of time
from school. I want a wife to go along when our family takes a vacation
so that someone can continue to care for me and my children when I need a
rest and change of scene.
5- I want a wife who will not bother me with rambling complaints about a
wife's duties. But I want a wife who will listen to me when I feel the
need to explain a rather difficult point I have come across in my course
studies. And I want a wife who will type my papers for me when I have
written them.
6- I want a wife who will take care of the details of my social life.
When my wife and I are invited out by my friends, I want a wife who will
take care of the baby-sitting arrangements. When I meet people at school
that I like and want to entertain, I want a wife who will have the house
clean, will prepare a special meal, serve it to me and my friends, and
not interrupt when I talk about things that interest me and my friends. I
want a wife who will have arranged that the children are fed and ready
for bed before my guests arrive so that the children do not bother us. I
want a wife who takes care of the needs of my guests so that they feel
comfortable, who makes sure that they have an ashtray, that they are
passed the hors d'oeuvres, that they are offered a second helping of the
food, that their wine glasses are replenished when necessary, that their
coffee is served to them as they like it. And I want a wife who knows
that sometimes I need a night out by myself.
7- I want a wife who is sensitive to my sexual needs, a wife who makes
love passionately and eagerly when I feel like it, a wife who makes sure
that I am satisfied. And, of course, I want a wife who will not demand
sexual attention when I am not in the mood for it. I want a wife who
assumes the complete responsibility for birth control, because I do not
want more children. I want a wife who will remain sexually faithful to me
so that I do not have to clutter up my intellectual life with jealousies.
And I want a wife who understands that my sexual needs may entail more
than strict adherence to monogamy. I must, after all, be able to relate
to people as fully as possible.
8- If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a wife than the
wife I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present wife with
another one. Naturally, I will expect a fresh, new life; my wife will
take the children and be solely responsible for them so that I am left free.
9- When I am through with school and have a job, I want my wife to quit
working and remain at home so that my wife can more fully and completely
take care of a wife's duties.
~ My God, who wouldn't want a wife? ~
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