December 29th, 2013

December 29, 2013

      Not too much today. Though there were some issues yesterday I tried to let go of but they have left a sting on my heart.

Yesterday though hubby let me sleep in, he still managed to hurt me, by total accident mind you. He had to go lock up the job site, he tells me this kisses Nani and I then just leaves. Yet I heard his phone going off all morning. He was talking on it quietly when I came out of our room. He told me he'd only be gone an hour. Almost three hours later, he finally comes home.

I'm not saying he is doing anything wrong, but I am saying something's not right.  And it irritated me that one I was upset and two that he didn't ask even if I wanted to go. I have my phone turned down on weekends so as not to disturb our family time. For a while now I have felt that there is something more important out there then our family time. And that hurts me, knowing I'm insecure because of past relationships hurt me. I am my own worst enemy.

I have decided it would be best to talk to hubby about this another day. Not that he is inconsiderant of Nani and I, but sometimes I think he forgets I don't get to leave the house often. I don't get much alone time with him. Even if it was only an hour that we'd be out. I'd take that hour with him and cherish it forever. Not that I don't charrish my days with Nani but were talking 23/7/365. I love her to death, I would never want to be without her. But an hour to myself or an hour alone with hubby doesn't seem like I'm asking for to much. I know I'm a mom, I've given up going to the bathroom alone, and long bubble baths, sick days, sleep and even hot meals to myself. But one hour with hubby I didn't think was impossible.

He slept all day right up to our wedding ceremony Saturday. He sleeps when ever he can. I wake up at 4:30 am most mornings with Nani. I stay up late to finish my days work. I cook I clean I do school work and child care. I just wanted one hour.

Was I asking too much?

Then the dear sweet roommate stole money from us, when it was given to him to pay the electric bill. So as the cookies crumble we now are on per paid electric. I myself have come up with $260 this month alone compaired to his $20 to keep our lights on. So today with less than $8 left he wants to do laundry. Let's think about this.... $!%@ NO. Then he wants to bitch about having to wear dirty clothes. B$*@! If you wouldn't of stolen from me we ALL could do laundry and turn on the lights. Go ahead say one more word I dare you. Because once you do you can get out. I might let you take your shit with you.

* SIGH * Its always at the end of the month when people wanna bitch at me because I'm doing everything I can while they do nothing. I'm so sick of it. I spend the most money on this damned house and you can't give me any respect? Who the #@$! do you think you are?!?!

But instead of taking my frustration out on hubby I took it out on roommate. Just as I should. So though my mood may not be changing, at least I can direct my frustration at the proper poor soul whom deserves my attitude. Oh, and just as a note yes I took MY laundry detergent to MY room. I bought it I'll do what I want with it. Not my #$!king problem you don't have any. Either pitch in for a big bottle or get your own.

It is truly amazing how much better I feel after these blog entries. I can vent and at the same time not cause a disruption in my home. And then there are you readers. Again if you have ideas or advice please let me know. I am very open to learning and growing. Just please be respectful with your advice and comments.

Much love,

Leilani A.