December 27th, 2013

December 27, 2013


What a day it has been. Woke up to no cigarettes...

But that situation was resolved after some thinking. While I was out getting them I ran into a little boy who has been my brother for Nine years. Joey is my best friend Lisa's little boy. Joey hasn't had an easy life. A few years back there was somethings happened to him that no one let alone a little by should have to go through. Since then he has been through two in patient treatment facilities and one out patient facility. He has not been to a regular school since kindergarten, he doesn't have any friend except his other sister, and she is very cruel to him. She too has had some issues, and just recently has returned home from a girls in patient treatment facility. She makes me so angry. She thinks that because her little brother has been gone for almost three years that she has the right to whine when he gets attention. He came home and as most families would, we tried to make up lost time with him. Take him to the park, let him stay awake later at night with us, and yet at the same time try to keep interacting as a family that has been together all along. So his sister Keighley decides its OK to start treating him horribly, simply because mom and I have to share our attention with him, and not just her. And by horribly I mean like trash, scum of the earth, he did nothing to deserve her hatred for him, yet he gets it. I don't have much room to talk as when I lived at home with my family I treated my little brother the same way. My parents told me I was creating a monster, and that I was pushing him away. At the time I didn't care, but it was true. My little brother had not spoken to me for 8 years, and even now its barely a full conversation. But at least we are talking again. I just wish much like my parents did, that Keighley would listen to the words I am saying. Not the lectures she is getting, but the words. I know if I had heard what my parents were truly saying, I wouldn't of been so mean.

So anyways, I saw my JuJu Bug today and found out that until things get settled with the kids and where they are going he is staying in a group home here in town. But his counselor was with him and he told her I am his sister, so she made sure I got added to his contact list. So tonight he called me, and we got to talk for a little while. I told him about marrying Devon, and just let him know I would always be here for him and his sister. They are my family, family never leaves anyone behind. Right? So with that being said, Devon and I have discussed it and if the Fates allow us, we would do our best to raise Keighley and Joey to the best of our abilities. Devon has always wanted a son, and maybe with closer guidance Keighley would grow into a loving big sister and a role model for her brother.

But again, I find myself reflecting on my day; and realizing that the more I write these blogs, these thoughts that run through my head quite down and I can sleep better. I am not as angry as I have been, and I feel calmer too. So I just wanted to thank which ever deity gave me the idea to start writing a journal. It doesn't have to be an every day thing, but just when I feel I need to let some thoughts out of my head before I lay it down to go to sleep.

And to those of you whom read these, please; leave a comment or your own thoughts. Help me grow and learn and see things in a different light.

Love, peace and joy to you all.

Leilani A.