January 3rd, 2014

January 3, 2014

Ok, I need to know. Who else wakes up from a bad dream, with that fight or flight felling, but you can't remember your dream so you don't calm down as quick?

Yep, that's exactly why its 0312 and I'm wide awake. Yet, I know I should be dead asleep. On New Years I was upnuntil about 4 am, safe at home but was wide awake. Yesterday 201412 I got maybe 15 minutes of sleep as injust couldn't sleep, then there is today. Went to bed around 1930 with sleeping medicine, and at 0222 woke up scared as shit. As a stay at home mom and wife most would think it'd be ok, but what isn't know to non- parents is you only get to sleep when they sleep. And with a 16 month old already having the terrible two symptoms, sleep is only after 10 pm and before 5 am. Not a lot of time to catch up on lost sleep. Oddly enough I now need sleep. Before I became pregnant, sleep was not reqired, now and since pregnancy sleep is demanded not just by my body but by my head. Sometimes one or the other disagrees, but most of the time it is I kicking and screaming when I am put to bed. Funny how things change like that. I don't always think its funny, actually 99%  of the time I am angryb that I am not like I used to be in many ways. Back 3 years ago, I didn't require food, sleep, much medication, or comfort, or arguing, or ... anything really. Now food, sleep, comfort, medication, assurance,  and so much more are daily requirements some times more than once. Its ridiculous to me, when I don't understand what changed so dramatically. And when I don't understand, I do become frustrated and irritable. 

Not much of a long day ahead of me. Take hubby to work, fix jeep, Im positive I know what is wrong, do a few loads of laundry, make appointment at 1300 to try to help my friends family with some issues with the two kids, pick up hubby at 1630 and make dinner, and put laundry away. So not a horribly busy day, yet with out the required amount of sleep by 1300 I know ill be dragging @$$.  But don't cry for me, hubby hasn't been to sleep since the night of december 29th. So he hasn't slept all year. Is it possible that I could be gaining back my insomnia? As long as the mental stability comes back with it I honestly won't complain. Every mother and housewife can use a few extra hours, right ladies?! OH!!! And to the Mr. Moms out there kudos to you!!!

Well since were both up, I think ill take the opertunity to cuddle and spend time with hubby.

Peace, love and blessings,

Leilani A.