April 19, 2014

April 19th, 2014

Wow! So many things have been started, accomplished and set in to motion that some days its overwhelming.  First the move to Hawaii has been approved we just have to be sentenced,  and do the paperwork. Second, we are looking for a new home to stay in, due to our landlord wanting to sell his home that we reside in. Then I have been diagnosed with not only bi- polar disorder 2, PTST, and anxiety, but also border line personality disorder sever. So accordingly my meds have been changed. Devon is now in counseling,  and were looking into marrage counseling.

School work has been rough these last two months due to the deepest depression I have been in, in almost 10 years. But on the bright side, on the 16th of April I went down to Fort Harrison for a Board of Veteran Appeals video conferance with the Judge. (Thank you mom.) I would love to say it went well and that once I get my new records to him, that I think I have finally accomplished recieving my 100% with individual unemployability. I'm just too screwed up any more to deal with being in the public. Which brings me to yet another achievement,  I have been perscribed an emotional support animal, as has Devon and Nani. So maybe that will be helpful when going into pupblic places and things that trigger my anxieties.

OH!!!! Our official marriage certificate came in the mail yesterday, its in a frame hanging next to some othere photos and love decorations. I do love Devon with all my heart, but again I'm so messed up I can't properly show it, which is one of the projects Im working on. Also started a sunflower garden, and have Nani helping me. Its our mother/ daughter activity we chose for the summer.  We also got bird houses and a bird feeder, so we have more visitors from nature.

I also want to creat a mommy time out room. Where I can go to be alone but at the same time it can be my alter room, my meditation room, just a room for mommy. No children allowed. It would be a quite relaxing zen spa like room where you can only come in with love and peace in your heart. This way it is an emotionally safe space for Devon and I to talk. 

So as you can see I've been a busy little bee, but its all for the better of my family and my self and our relationship. You know its bad when your 20 month old daughter argues with her self because she see mommy and daddy do it. Once we have our new home, whether its here or Hawaii, there is going to be a new set of rules for the family. Like NO FIGHTING NEAR NANI. If she's gotta go to a babysitters or to tutu's house so Devon and I can argue then so be it. But Nani needs to see love, passion, happiness, and joy. I don't want her growing up not knowing these emotions.

So on a final note I've been hospitalized psychologically, twice now with in the same month. I'm not ok, but for my mother, my husband, my daughter and myself, I won't stop fighting.

I love all of you, and may you all be blessed with love, hope, joy, and prosperity.

LA